She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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