drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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