If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
