his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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