I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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