brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
