I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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