I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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