He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
