She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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