I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
