i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I will be naked everywhere
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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