wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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