i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
