I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
