im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
im on a boat
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