They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
