New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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