You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
