you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
