This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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