first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
