Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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