I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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