I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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