it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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