I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
