Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
