Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
