did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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