you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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