I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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