Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i think i just lost a toe
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
