She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
