Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
