can u get pink eye on your cock?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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