How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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