Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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