found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
