I seem to have left my pride at pride
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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