So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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