Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
