I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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