And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
