my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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