her vagine was all disorganized.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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