i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
