My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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