Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
