Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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