I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
