i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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