you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
