i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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