There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
