Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
