So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
