also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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