She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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