I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
