It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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